Some of the names aren’t too bad – Ivory, for example, brings to mind an image of purity and spotlessness. Even Irish Spring is understandable – a spring seems like a nice, refreshing place to get clean…although I’m not sure why a spring located in Ireland is any more refreshing than a spring located anywhere else. Still, I appreciate the fact that if I ever venture across the pond to the land of leprechauns, I can anticipate what it will smell like and prepare accordingly.

On the other hand, some of the other soap names are just odd. For example:

Caress
This just seems completely inappropriate and a bit creepy. When you stop and think about it, it’s a bit surprising that this soap has never had charges filed against it for sexual harassment or something similar.

Dove
Is this a soap made specifically for ornithologists? Maybe it has a specially formulated scent that will not drive away birds, so that they can be more easily observed and studied. I assume it’s kind of like hunters pouring deer pee on themselves, but with prettier packaging and marketed almost exclusively to women.

Lava
I realize that this soap is meant for tougher jobs, but lava? Really? Has anyone ever had hands so dirty that the best solution is to lather  them up with the molten liquid from a volcanic explosion? I think I’d rather just have slightly dirty hands that have been Caressed.

Lever 2000
Umm…what? How did a person even come up with this name for a bar of soap? Were they attempting to use this particular bar of soap as a lever to catapult themselves into the 21st century? I’m not sure what else the 2000 could possibly mean outside of trying to sound futuristic, but if that’s the case, this bar of soap needs a updated name. Lever 2100? Or maybe Lever 3000 to sound even more futuristic?

The longer I looked, the stranger the names seemed. What other oddly named bodily cleansers have you seen?

Question #2: Is valet parking negotiable?
If you park your car right in the way and just sit there long enough, will the valet service agree to park your car for a discounted rate, just so you will allow them to move your car out of the way? I’ve never actually experienced valet parking (don’t trust them – they might carnap Virgil), so I’m really not sure how that works, but it seems like if you just show up an hour early and sit there in the way, you could get a sweet rate on the valet parking.

Question #3: Why do people get so sad when someone famous dies?
It’s not like we really know the person, their family, or friends. Is it for selfish reasons? Are we just sad because we realize that they won’t be around to entertain us anymore?

Question #4: Are canker sores just reverse pimples?
Or are pimples just canker sores that grew outward instead of inward? I wonder if it would be possible to have one of each at the same time at the same spot on the same cheek? What would you even call that? A Cankimple? A Pinker Sore? Why has no one figured this out yet?

Question #5: Why would you ever pick a capped pen over a retractable pen?
The only possible reason I can think of is so you never have to worry about the pen accidentally being clicked and stabbing you in the leg…or somewhere worse. I’d say the odds of losing the pen cap are just as good as the accidental leg stab. At least if a retractable pen gets clicked, it can always be clicked back; the only way to lose the retractability is to take the pen apart and remove the spring. If you lose a pen cap though, the pen is going to dry out and become unusable, but only after covering everything near it in ink.

The Xlerator was the first hand dryer that I ever used that actually gets hands completely dry the first time. I’m pretty sure it could also be used to exfoliate your skin since it nearly blows the skin right off your hands. If you have ever wanted to see the skin on your hands ripple like the waves in the ocean, this is the hand dryer for you.

1. When I drive over a cigarette that someone just flicked out their car window, I always pretend that it blows up my car (complete with sound effects).

2. When I hear one of those air fresheners in a public restroom that sounds like someone opening a bottle of pop, I always think (and often say) “Can I have a drink?”

3. I like to pretend that the interference/break-ins that come through my iPod’s FM Transmitter are part of the song I’m listening to.

4. When I see someone buying a fountain drink, I often try to guess which kind of pop they are going to choose (I get it right approximately 31.8% of the time).

5. Whenever I am making a sharp turn into a parking space I always lean in the direction I am turning, as if it’s going to help me turn sharper or keep from scraping the car next to me.

It’s a little tough to read the whole thing, but it says “Choose Life…Your Mother Did.”

While I agree with the words on the sign, perhaps a cemetery is not the best location.

Jadon stayed home sick from school one day, but we had to run by and drop off some stuff for his teacher. When we got to the school, his class was playing outside and got excited when they saw him get out of the car. A bunch of the kids ran up to the fence and were reaching through, trying to get to him. 

Some of the kids were yelling for Jadon to give them a five or a hug, but some were just yelling “Touch me Jadon, touch me!” I figure he’s either practicing for his future life as a preacher, a politician, or a celebrity. It will be good practice for later, when he’s shaking babies and kissing hands…or however that saying goes.  

Regardless of how good or bad 2011 was for you, I hope this year is 2012 times better. 

And since every human being on the planet is apparently supposed to make some sort of list around the end/beginning of the year, here is a list of 12 words in random order (get it? 12 words…the year 2012…clever, eh?) that will shape the coming year for me.

Focus
Brave
True
Simplicity
Renew
Prayer
Connect
Grow
Faith
Joy
Hope
Create

What would your word(s) be for the coming year?

Quotes & A Video
A few quotes and a video for the song “Daylight” by Brave Saint Saturn.

Why Churches And Football Teams Are More Similar Than You May Realize
To celebrate the return of season, take a look at the similarities between football players and church members.

Jadon’s Current Favorite Songs
A few of the songs that my boy loves to put on repeat in the car

31 Days To Finding Your Blogging Mojo
A book recommendation for anyone who blogs, writes, or is human

God IS
God doesn’t just give life, love, truth, and all that is good – it’s who God IS

It’s About The Message, Not The Messenger
God can use anyone to communicate anything at anytime

Plan B
A recommendation of one of the best books I’ve ever read (and one that you should read). Plan B: What Do You Do When God Doesn’t Show Up The Way You Thought He Would? by Pete Wilson.

Maybe you honestly felt like God was calling you to do something or go somewhere, but once you did it everything seemed to begin to fall apart. Now you’re trying to pick up the pieces and get your life back on track, while wondering how you could have felt so sure about something that ended up being so wrong.

They say every cloud has a silver lining, but does it ever feel like the silver linings of all the clouds are tarnished?

You are desperately searching for a ray of hope in the midst of the storm that is your life, but it seems like every time you see a light shining down from the clouds, it turns out to be a bolt of lightning that knocks you back down. You know that storms are inevitable and rain is necessary if fruit is to be produced, but you are wondering if the storm is ever going to end.

Do you ever feel like you are asleep and can’t wake up?

You are drifting in and out of consciousness, knowing that you need to wake up and get going because there is so much more to life than where you are at and what you have done, but you can’t figure out how to snap out of the funk and get things moving in the right direction. You know that for things to get better, you have to stand up and get moving, but it would be so much easier to pull the covers up over your head, shut out the rest of the world, and let yourself fall into a deep sleep.

“What do you do when God doesn’t show up the way you thought He would?”
“What do you do when your life isn’t turning out the way you thought it would? “
“What do you do when your dreams are shattered? “

Pete Wilson is pastor of Cross Point Church in the Nashville, TN area and he addresses these three questions, among others, in Plan B: What Do You Do When God Doesn’t Show Up The Way You Thought He Would.

Have you ever read a book that seemed like the whole purpose of it being written was so that you could read it at the exact time and situation you are in? This was that book for me. At a time when I was feeling beat down, hopeless, and searching for answers, this book was a God-send. Literally. As I was reading it, I felt like God was using the words of Pete Wilson to communicate a message of hope and comfort at the time I needed it most.

Thank you, Pete Wilson, for writing this book and for your willingness to allow God to speak through you.

Find out more about the book: planbbook.com
Read Pete’s blog: withoutwax.tv
Find Pete on Facebook
Connect with Pete on Twitter @pwilson

“There may well be many in the congregation whose faith is richer, more mature, and more tested than the preacher’s. In addition, there will probably be people in the congregation who have more education or more common sense, who have a firmer grasp of human nature, or maybe even know more Bible and theology than does the preacher. To call the preacher an authority does not mean that the preacher is wiser than others. What it does mean is that the preacher is the one whom the congregation sends on their behalf, week after week to the scripture.” (The Witness Of Preaching by Thomas J. Long)

What a great reminder to those who preach and those who listen! Too often, we assume that to preach, a person must be the smartest, wisest, most theologically advanced person in the room. The problem with that point of view is that it is often not true and can lead to arrogance on both the part of the preacher and of the listener. Arrogance in the preacher, if he assumes that this is true; arrogance in the listener, when he feels that he has a deeper understanding of a passage or is more theologically advanced than the preacher.

I once heard Steven Furtick say “How you perceive someone determines how you receive them.” He was talking about our attitude  toward people in general, but that statement is true of the preacher/listener dynamic as well. When a preacher gets up to preach, we tend to make certain assumptions based on how he is dressed, how he speaks, and what we think we know about him. The problem with this is that our preconceived notions about a person can often prevent us from hearing from God. What we think about a person does not limit their ability to effectively communicate spiritual truth to people – it limits our ability to receive and understand spiritual truths from God.

How many times have we missed out on something that God was trying to say to us because of our attitude toward or false assumptions about the person God was using to communicate that message? Who are we to say who God can or can’t use to speak through? Often times, we miss what God is trying to tell us because we think too much of ourselves or too little of the person God is speaking through.

Instead of judging what a person says based on who we think they are and what we think we know about them, remember that because of who He is and what He knows about a person, God will use anyone he sees fit to communicate the message that He wants people to hear. If you believe that God can use you and speak through you…He can use anyone. You and I are no better and no more worthy of being used by God than anyone else. We are all broken, sinful, messed up people who God uses not because of who we are or what we’ve done, but in spite of who we are and what we’ve done.

If you are the one preaching, this should be especially encouraging for you. Forget about how much you think you don’t know. Stop focusing on how many people you are speaking to that are smarter, deeper, or more spiritual than you are. It’s not that there aren’t people in the crowd that are smarter or deeper than you are – it’s that there are almost always going to be people in the crowd that are smarter or deeper than you. But they are not the one that God is using to speak through…YOU ARE. Sure, God can use those people to reach who he wants them to reach, but you are the one He has chosen to speak through to the church you are leading. And you are the one your church has chosen to represent them before God in study and to communicate the message that God wants your church to hear.

Whether you are speaking or listening, don’t let what you think you know about other people be a hindrance to the effective communication or reception of God’s message to His people – the message is more important than the messenger.

He is the giver of life; we are the receivers of life. Though life is something we possess, it is what God IS. When God gives us life, He is giving us a small part of Himself. God IS life, love, truth, and all that is good. From Him we can possess these things, but only He IS these things. We can have love, know truth, and possess knowledge of that which is good, but only God IS truth, love, life, and all that is good.

31 Days To Finding Your Blogging Mojo

When I heard that Bryan Allain was writing an e-book about blogging, I had high hopes for it. Bryan has been blogging for 10+ years, coaches other people on how to improve their blogs, and founded an online community (Killer Tribes) where bloggers can come together for advice and to help one another, so naturally I assumed that his new e-book 31 Days To Finding Your Blogging Mojo would be something worth reading.

My expectations obviously weren’t high enough because this book exceeded them.

31 Days To Finding Your Blogging Mojo is packed full of great advice, practical tips, and fantastic ideas that anyone can use to make their blog better – all laced with Bryan’s signature humor that you’ve come to know and love on his blog. (If you haven’t come to know and love it on his blog, then you need to start reading his blog. Now. Do it. Stop missing out. Think clicking on the links I’ve given you to his blog is the lazy way? Then go to your address bar, type in bryanallain.com and hit enter. Then you can be proud of yourself for not taking a shortcut.)

The book is separated into three sections that are broken down into 31 “days” with action steps to be done at the end of each day. If you want to take your time and spend 31 days going through the book you can, but it’s one of those books that you won’t want to stop reading once you start.

If you have ever struggled with:

Figuring out what you want your blog to be about
Focusing your content so it’s not so random and scattered
Improving your content
Coming up with new content
Connecting with your readers and facilitating conversation
Keeping your readers’ attention
Effectively using networking, social media, and guest posts

this book is for you. Maybe you haven’t struggled with any of these things and there is nothing you can do to improve because you already have this blogging stuff perfected. If that’s the case, you are awesome and I am quite proud of you. You don’t need to read this book, but maybe you can recommend it to someone who hasn’t achieved your level of bloglightenment.

If you want to get 31 Days To Finding Your Blogging Mojo, you can get it at 31daystomojo.com or at Amazon.

Want to connect with Bryan Allain or just creepily watch him without him knowing you’re there? Here is where you can find him:

Bryan’s Blog

Bryan on Twitter

Bryan on Facebook

Killer Tribes Website

Killer Tribes on Twitter

Killer Tribes on Facebook

For your listening pleasure…here are two of Jadon’s favorite songs right now. These are the songs that he loves to listen (and sing along) to repeatedly when we are driving in the car. Every time we listen to one of these songs and it comes to an end, I hear “Again!” being hollered from the back seat.

Luckily, Daphne and I both like these songs too, so they still have yet to turn into the kind of songs that make you want to rip your ears off the side of your head.

Rootbeer – Pink Limousine (Ugly Zombie Remix)

Lecrae – High

The UnNamed – WooHoo (Camp Firefall VBS Song)

(Click Song Title To Listen)

TEAM STAFF/FRONT OFFICE: CHURCH LEADERSHIP
Owner Of Team: God
Each ultimately has the final say in all things. Nothing happens without them knowing and they are able to step in at anytime and do what they feel is necessary.

Head Coach: Preacher
They are the ones who stand up in front of the team to motivate, encourage, instruct, and cast vision. They are the ones who are typically held responsible for the overall health and effectiveness of their team.

Coaching Staff: Elders
They are the ones who guide and instruct the team, with each serving and using their strengths in a particular area. They also encourage and support the head coach/pastor, keep him accountable if they see areas where he is going off-track, and help the team stick to the vision being cast by the head coach/preacher

TEAM MEMBERS: CHURCH MEMBERS
Quarterback
These are the people in visible leadership roles. They are the ones who are willing to step up, take charge of projects/ministries, don’t mind being the center of attention, and are okay with having other people look to them for guidance. They tend to be extroverts, have big personalities, and are seen as natural leaders by people who know them.

Halfback (Running Back)
These are the people who are able and willing to lead when called upon. They may not always be the first to step up and lead, but when asked, they are willing to step up, take over, and run with a project. The people in church leadership positions know that if there is something that needs to be done, they can hand it off to this person and know that it is in good hands. They may not be the ones who come up with a lot of ideas, but you can present an idea to them and they catch the vision, see what needs to be done, take over, and run with it through completion.

Wide Receiver
These are the people who just start serving somewhere, keep serving consistently in that area, and may eventually be put in a leadership role or put in charge of the area in which they have been serving. They are willing to keep serving, working, and doing the same thing for as long as they are needed. If the time comes when they are asked to step up and lead the area they have been serving in, they are willing to do so and carry it on to completion.

Tight End
These are the people who are willing to serve in either and public, visible role or behind the scenes. They are willing to do the grunt work behind the scenes for as long as needed, but will also step up and take on a more visible role if that is where they can best be used. They may be more naturally gifted in one role or the other, but are willing to serve in either way, depending on where they can best help the team.

Fullback
These are the people who make it their goal to make the jobs and lives of those in leadership go as smoothly as possible. They take care of the “small” stuff so that the people in leadership roles can better focus their time and energy on the main aspects of their jobs. People tend to not even realize they are there or know exactly what it is they do. They rarely get any kind of recognition for what they do until they “retire,” move away, or die – but once they are gone people realize the impact that their service had.

Offensive Line
These are the people in the trenches, doing the dirty work, who tend to get taken for granted. They do the things that must be in order for everything else to go smoothly, so that the more visible members of the team are able to perform their duties. If these people were not there doing what they do, nothing else would work properly and the opposition would cause chaos among the team.

Defensive Line
These are the people who are called upon as the first line of defense when something starts to go wrong or needs to be addressed quickly. The leadership of the team know that they can count on these people to effectively address and control the situation. They are willing to step in and do whatever it takes to get the situation under control.

Linebackers (Pass Rushers)
These are the people who referred to as “Prayer Warriors.” They are always chasing down and putting pressure on the enemy. Rather than sit back and wait for something to go wrong, they attack the opponent with all they’ve got. These are the people who are constantly in prayer for the leadership, church members, and anyone else who may need prayer. They are the first to sign up for prayer meetings, are willing to stop and pray with anyone right on the spot, and have lists of leaders, missionaries, and other Christians around the world that they are praying for.

Secondary
These are the people who step up and come through when things seem like they are falling apart. When there is a crisis, people are going through difficult times, or things are extremely busy, these people step up and do whatever it takes to make sure things are handled and the situation doesn’t get too out of control. Some of these people are very involved, serving in many different areas and helping out wherever needed. Others hang back, blend in, and wait until it is obvious that they are needed, but when times get tough and the situation looks desperate is when they do their best work.

Special Teams/Punter
These are the people who step up when things seem to be stalling. They may not have the most glamorous roles, but are always prepared and do what is expected of them. Instead of seeing their being called upon as an admission of failure, they see it as a strategic opportunity to reassess the situation, push back against the opponent, and regain some of the ground that was lost.

Kicker
These are the people who consistently execute, successfully do what is asked of them, are rarely given credit and have their successes minimized, but are quick to be blamed when they do mess up. They will step up in critical situations and do what needs to be done to help the team achieve success, but when things don’t work out as hoped, they are the ones that people focus on to assess blame – even though no one else was willing to step up and do what they were willing to do. A lot of the things they do may seem simple, but are more difficult than people realize, especially considering the pressure-filled circumstances in which they take place.

Waterboy/Equipment Manager
These are the people who make sure everything is working properly, are quick to recognize the needs of others, and are constantly looking for ways to serve and meet the needs of others in ways that most people may not see. They do the things that most people never think of or realize need to be done; the things that always get done, but no one really knows who does it or how/when it gets done. They rarely, if ever, get recognized for the work they do, but they are okay with that. They do what they do, not for recognition, but simply because it needs to be done.

What do you think? Am I crazy? What did I leave out? Feel free to make comment, suggestions, or call me names in the comments.

The right words in the right order at the right time have the potential to change a person’s attitude, outlook, direction, and life.

What I want to do is pass along some of the quotes that I read and hear, with the hope that someone else will benefit from hearing them.

Here are a few to get started, along with a video that someone put together using a song called “Daylight” by Brave Saint Saturn and clips from the movie Apollo 13. Not sure who the person is that made it, but it’s pretty well done and a clever idea.

“Deep hurt and shattered dreams have a way of blinding us to the character and beauty of God.” (Pete Wilson)

“A major root of misery is acting like God put you on earth just to be happy.” (Rick Warren)

“The talent we have the hardest time recognizing is our own.” (Jon Acuff)

“The way you perceive someone determines the way you receive them.” (Steven Furtick)

“The walls we build around us to keep the sadness out also keep out the joy.” (Jim Rohn)

“People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light inside.” (Elizabeth Kubler-Ross)

I am also making some changes to the content that I will be posting. I will continue to post the same kind of things that I have been doing up until now, but will also be focusing more on passing along resources, websites, books, and whatever other goodies I may stumble upon and think someone else can find useful or entertaining.

I also plan on posting more frequently and consistently from now on. As for a specific number of posts per day/week/month…I can’t guarantee a specific number right now because frankly, I don’t know. All I can really guarantee is that you’ll be seeing stuff posted here more often than the last few months and on a more regular basis.

So take some time to poke around, check out the links at the top of the page, and let me know if you have any suggestions as far as content that you would like to see, resources that you may know of, or comments of any kind. Thanks for sticking around and feel free to drop by anytime!

Holy moley – can you believe it? Jadon Payne is 5 years old today! Happy birthday Jadon!  I think someone must have increased the rate at which time passes because these last five years have flown by.

Jadon has definitely changed our lives for the better and brought more laughter and entertainment than I ever could have imagined. We are so proud of that boy and can hardly wait to see what the next 5 years hold…and the next 5…and the next 5…and the next 5…and on and on.

I’m not exactly sure what the purpose of a miniature plunger is, but this seems like as good a guess as any. I’m just hoping that this particular mini-plunger was brand new and not one that had been returned after someone had tried to use it, but realized that it wasn’t big enough to do the job.

This is what happens when Jadon dresses himself…gotta love it! His outfits are always less boring than when we pick them out.

The Wienermobile was in Joplin today, so we went and checked it out. Seriously – who can pass up the opportunity to see a giant, drivable wiener? Thanks for your contribution to society, Oscar Mayer!

This gets my vote for “Most Condescending Sign” in Lebanon. That’s a real award, right? No? Oh, well maybe they should make it a real award, even if it’s only for one year because this sign deserves it.

When I saw this sign, I assumed it meant one of two things.

#1 – It’s a new resraurant owned by some guy named Steve that, for some reason, serves both BBQ and Mexican food.

#2 – Some guy named Steve is having a BBQ, invited a person of Mexican descent, and wants everyone in town to know it.

At first glance, option #1 seems like the obvious choice. However, when I reveal that this sign is in the ultra-diverse community of Lebanon, MO (with its 94.6% White/1.2% Hispanic population), #2 doesn’t seem nearly as ludicrous.

So which is it…#1 or #2? As far as I can tell, it’s option #1. Apparently, something called “Steve” decided to open a small eatery in Lebanon that serves both BBQ and Mexican food. It definitely seems like a peculiar pairing, but more power to him for thinking outside the saucy sombrero…err, box.

I would just like to take this opportunity to say congraduations (Congratulations on Graduation) to my boy Jadon Payne on officially graduating from K-4 (why don’t they just call it preschool?).

In addition to graduating, he also received two certificates and two trophies.

Certificate #1 – Quietest Student (he apparently just saves all his noise and energy to entertain us at home)
Certificate #2 – Best Reader

Trophy #1 – Servant Award
Trophy #2 – Bible Memory Award

All in all, it was a good night – Jadon was excited to get all of his awards and Daphne and I were quite the proud parents. We’ll keep teaching him and encouraging him to keep learning, but I’m sure he’ll teach us a thing or two along the way.

I realize that this is a pretty sweet deal (knocking off over half the price) and the portability is unbeatable, but I think this tool may be a bit too micro to be useful.

Here is something I discovered one day when I was very, very bored. Up until that point my favorite number had always been 1 (Ozzie Smith’s number), but I am thinking that I have no choice but to change it to 3. Here’s why:

When combined in many different ways, the numbers in my birthdate can be reduced down to the number 3 or a multiple of 3.

3 x 27 = 81,

3 + 2 + 7 = 12

3 + 2 + 7 + 8 + 1 = 21,

3 x 2 x 7 x 8 x 1 = 336,

3 x 2 x 7 x 1 x 9 x 8 x 1 = 3024

Also, if you add those individual numbers together, you end up with a number that is a multiple of 3.

8 + 1 = 9

1 + 2 = 3

2 + 1 = 3

3 + 3 + 6 = 12 (1 + 2 = 3)

3 + 0 + 2 + 4 = 9

The same thing happens if I add together the number values of each letter in my name.
[A=1, B=2, etc.]

Adding the number value of each letter in my full name
[Timothy James Eugene Payne] equals: 276.

2 + 7 + 6 = 15 [1 + 5 = 6]

When the values of the letters in each name are multiplied together and then the value of each name are added together, it comes to a total of: 140,697,600.

1 + 4 + 0 + 6 + 9 + 7 + 6 + 0 + 0 = 33 [3 + 3 = 6]

When the values of every letter are multiplied all the way through my entire name it comes to a grand total of: 12,489,569,820,000,000,000,000

1 + 2 + 4 + 8 + 9 + 5 + 6 + 9 + 8 + 2 + 0 + 0 + 0 + 0 + 0 + 0 + 0 + 0 + 0 + 0 + 0 + 0 + 0 = 54 [5 + 4 = 9]

Wow. Absolutely fascinating. Or maybe just weird.

I went out to check on something for a customer today and this is what he gave me before I left – six freshly caught bass still onthe stringer.

I took the fish to the house as soon as I left his place and discovered that they were still alive! So, rather than killing and eating them, we decided to put them in a bucket of water and keep them alive.

I didn’t think to take a picture of them on the stringer, but one of them in their private pool is the next best thing, I guess.

Jadon wanted to look at the beautiful weather.

Whenever someone says to me “You have a nice day” I always think they are giving me a compliment. I instinctively want to respond by saying “Thanks, your day is pretty nice too” or some such nonsense.

Then, to make matters worse, some people try to turn the goodbye into a contest. You tell them to have a nice day, so they say to you “Have a nice weekend!” Come on people – just say “you too” and be on your way.

The only solution I can think of is to tell them “Have a nice eternity” and quickly walk away. Surely there has to be a better way…any suggestions?

On a semi-related note, here’s a video to brighten your day. It may not be exactly the same situation, but hey, it’s a good excuse to watch a Brian Regan video.

What the Hale kind of dentist office is this?

Jadon figuring out a better way to get down a slide.

Someday I will post something again.  I haven’t forgotten.

Sincerely,

Tim

Brave Saint Saturn, or BS2, was started as a way for several members of FIF to express a darker, more serious side than they were able to do through their music in FIF.  For a good description of their music, look no further than their very own Facebook page:

The music of Brave Saint Saturn can be described as a more pensive and serious project with strong melodies and insightful lyrics, setting this group far apart from their jovial punk and ska origins. Originally designed as an outlet for the group member’s darker themed pieces, Brave Saint Saturn attempts to embody the struggles of loneliness and heartbreak in their music by metaphorically painting a portrait of four astronauts returning home after a botched mission into space. Musically, the group combines orchestral elements with rock music and synthesizers for a truly different sound.

They started off strong with their first album “So Far From Home“, followed it up with one of my favorite albums of all time “The Light Of Things Hoped For“, and finished the trilogy off strong with “Anti-Meridian“.  I would highly recommend picking up the entire trilogy, but if you are looking for just one album that with no weak songs to listen to repeatedly…”The Light Of Things Hoped For” is more than you could hope for.

Want to find out more about Brave Saint Saturn?  Check them out today!

BS2 Website

Facebook

Twitter

The Rocket Summer consists of Bryce Avary on vocals, Bryce Avary on guitar, Bryce Avary on drums, Bryce Avary on piano, and Bryce Avary on any other instrument found on the album. He does his thing, and he does it well. Lyrically, the songs range from fun to thought provoking and spiritual. The music is catchy and will often leave you tapping your feet.

Thinking about going for a drive? Pop in any of The Rocket Summer‘s albums and make your ride more enjoyable – especially if you’re going to be stuck in traffic. The Rocket Summer will make the traffic more bearable and may just make you hope for a traffic jam.

Check out The Rocket Summer’s website or follow him on Facebook and Twitter.

Or pick up The Rocket Summer’s albums “Of Men And Angels”, “Do You Feel?” and “Hello Good Friend” on iTunes or wherever you happen to purchase music.

Whether contributing his skills to a group or going it alone, Playdough never disappoints.  His delivery is top notch and lyrically he is one of the best.  Playdough‘s rhymes are always fresh, clever, and clean.  His music is proof that good hip-hop music does not have to be doused in profanity.

2010 has been a busy year for Playdough – he has released two free solo albums (Bible Bus Mixtape & Writer Dye) as well as contributing his talents to the latest Deepspace 5 album, The Future Ain’t What It Used To Be.  You would do yourself a favor to go download all three of them right now.  All three are well worth the money you’ll spend on them.

The Ill Harmonics, Deepspace 5, Phonetic Composition, and Tunnel Rats albums can be found at Sphere Of Hip-Hop and iTunes, among other places.

Playdough‘s solo albums can be found on his Bandcamp page, with 4 of them available as free downloads.

By far the most mellow of their albums, “Who Can Know It?” has been described as a “Raw Rock” version of The Eagles and R.E.M.  Musically, this album is terrific yet again, but the lyrics are where it really stands out.  Addressing topics such as murder, abortion, rape, and patriotism, they don’t shy away from difficult subjects.  While some of these subjects may be sensitive, the message always points back to the grace and hope that is found in Christ.

As good as this album is musically and lyrically, perhaps the best part is the price.  It was funded by the support of their fans through Kickstarter and is completely free.  So pick it up today – it will cost you nothing and will be the best free album you download all day.

This Deepspace 5 crew member has set the goal of delivering two songs per week – beats created by various beatmakers, lyrics written by Sintax, and news made by the world.

The news has never sounded so good.

Click here to read about the project in the words of Sintax.

Click here to listen to past songs.

Check back every day next week to discover a song, album, or artist that you should be listening to.

I have never eaten beets.
Although I came close a few years ago when I was really into the show “Doug”, this is another food that I just can’t seem to force myself to try.  Part of it is the look of them and what I imagine the texture to be, just like with cottage cheese.  The other part is that I imagine that before and after consumption, my mouth would feel and look as if I had just bitten into a heart. That’s just yucky.

I am the most static-y person I know.
Seriously.  Every time I get out of the car I get a huge jolt.  Not to mention all the times I walk around the house.  Kissing my wife should not be that painful an experience – after a quick peck the other night, my lips were tingling for several minutes (although that could just be because our love is so electric…).  And don’t even get me started on my clothes.  It seems like no matter how many dryer sheets I use, my clothes are always full of static.  Any suggestions on how to fix this?

I have never been able to make myself burp.
I just can’t do it.  I’ve tried and tried, but with no success.  I don’t know if it’s because I have a burpy personality or because it’s just assumed that everyone can do this, but for some reason no one ever believes me when I tell them that I can’t make myself burp. I’ve even had people try to explain it step-by-step, but it’s just not happening.

Now you know.  Whether you really wanted to know these things is a different story entirely, but now you know.

KITES

The picture above shows just one of the dangers of this seemingly innocent toy.  Obviously, you want to keep kites away from power lines and refrain from flying them in lightning storms (thank you Ben Franklin!), but those are just the most obvious dangers.  I have never actually heard of this happening, but what I am most paranoid about is the kite string getting wrapped around someone’s neck and choking or decapitating them.  Throw in the chance of being hoisted up into the air by a strong gust of wind and the kite nosediving into your eye and this is one toy that has the potential to destroy many lives.

SIT ‘N SPIN

While I’m sure we can all agree that it’s hilarious to get people all dizzied up and watch them stumble about, it seems as though this toy should include at least a helmet and at most full-body armor.  This seems like it would be better suited as a party game for adults than a toy for small children.  Kids dizzily stumbling around is bad enough, but that is only dangerous for those who are lucky enough to hold on until the spinner stops spinning.  If your child has sweaty palms or a weak grip I would suggest not letting him anywhere near this toy unless you want to look up and see your child flying helplessly across the room.

SLIP ‘N SLIDE

Hey, I know!  Let’s get a long piece of plastic, set it on a downward slope, slick it up, give kids a running start at it, and put a small puddle at the end of the slide to catch them.  That sounds like a fantastic idea!  I cannot possibly imagine this ever turning out poorly.  In fact, the steeper the hill you let them slide down, the better!  That three inch deep puddle of water at the end will gently stop anybody flying down the slide.  Yeah…

PAPER FOOTBALL

The majority of this game is quite harmless.  The only danger in sliding a triangular piece of paper back and forth across the table is the freakishly rare papercut.  Really though, that’s just bad luck more than it is dangerous.  I enjoy a good game of paper football as much as the next guy (if the next guy LOVES paper football!), but there is one part of the game that just seems moronic.  That part would, of course, be kicking field goals and extra points.  In this part of the game, you basically have two options.  The first option is to place your finger uprights directly in front of you, so that you can use your body to block the football and keep it from getting away.  The problem with this is fairly obvious – if your opponent successfully converts the kick, you are almost guaranteed to get hit in the face or neck and possibly lose an eye or nostril.  The second option is to place the finger uprights off to the side of your body.  The biggest problem with this is that if there is someone sitting behind you, you can bet that football is going to either land in their food/drinks or it’s going to hit them in the head and cause them to want to beat the tar out of you.  Pick your poison.

POGS

So I realize that these were only popular for a few months sometime in the early/mid 1990′s, but I was really into them at the time.  I actually still have mine if you are ever in the neighborhood and pining to pog it up.  On the surface the game seems harmless enough.  That is until you consider that the game consists of stacking up little pieces of cardboard and giving kids a solid metal disc to throw onto/at the stack of cardboard in order to flip over as many pogs as possible.  I’m sure that no adolescent boy would ever realize just how perfectly that solid metal disc fits in his fingers, giving him the perfect projectile to throw as hard and fast as possible.

That’s all the dangerous toys for now, but stay tuned for more in the near future.  In the meantime, try not to fall victim to the sneaky danger of any of the toys listed here or here.

ETCH-A-SKETCH

I’ve said it before, but felt it was worth mentioning again.  As uncoordinated as most children are, who thought this would be a good idea?  First you make them feel bad because they can’t draw anything other than snakes, worms, and the letter ‘L’.  Then you make them shake the Etch-A-Sketch violently in order to erase what they just created and so proudly showed off to everyone who would look.  If I had to guess, I would say that this toy is responsible for more self-inflicted black eyes, busted teeth and lips, and bloody noses than nearly any other drawing toy out there.  For a safer alternative, stick with the MagnaDoodle.

JACKS

I’m not sure who came up with this game, but something about it just doesn’t seem safe.  “Sure kids, bounce that little rubber ball and see how many of these little spiky metal things you can pick up before the ball lands.”  I’m convinced that whoever came up with this idea was just trying to find something that would keep their kids occupied.  It just seems like one of those homemade games where you grab a couple random objects that you have laying around the house and see what kind of a game you can come up with.

MARBLES

Another one of those games, like Jacks, that was likely invented by a parent somewhere that just wanted some peace and quiet.  How else do you explain giving young kids a bunch of nostril sized pieces of glass?  Not to mention the fact that a lot of kids are not coordinated enough to balance an oversize marble on their index finger and flick it with their thumb without it flying across the room and either breaking something or cracking someone in the skull.

YO-YO

One thing that the yo-yo has going for it that Jacks and Marbles don’t is that it’s on a string and is less likely to end up as a dangerous projectile – until the string unrolls and the little boy playing with it realizes that the faster he swings it around, the farther and faster it will fly.  Not that I would have ever done anything like that.

PADDLE BALL

Another stringed toy – this one is guaranteed to put out the eye of either the person playing with it or any person who comes within a three foot radius.  Who this toy is most dangerous for depends on whether the paddler is using the overhand or underhand technique.  Of course if the paddler is like me, he will eventually get frustrated with the fact that he can’t keep it going and just rip the ball off the paddle and see how high he can hit it.  Or the string gets tangled up four minutes into it, rendering the toy useless.

Stay tuned – more dangerous toys still to come…

Does anything about this toy seem strange?  Perhaps the fact that Goliath is one of the characters in a series labeled “Almighty Heroes”?  I guess the way that I’ve always heard and read the story was wrong.  Apparently Goliath was the hero of the story.  Maybe the strangest part of this is that David is not included in this line of toys.  Among those who did make the cut along with Goliath…the lions that didn’t eat Daniel, Samson, and the “whale” that swallowed Jonah.  Yup, that makes perfect sense.

If you haven’t had any awkward conversations with your children lately, I would suggest picking up this fine piece from your local Target store.  As if the horse feeding isn’t strange enough, then they went and put the dog in there for some reason.  It’s like when you are stuck in a small area and realize that someone is breastfeeding just a few feet away.  Suddenly you look for anything else to focus on and when you finally find something, there is nothing that will break your focus.  Those interactive Dinosaur Train toys across the aisle just became the most amazing thing that dog has ever seen.

I present to you the Football Kicker Licker.  This toy from the Dollar Tree isn’t all that strange.  The name, however, could use some work.  I’m thinking they assigned the naming of this one to the new guy who was just happy to come up with a catchy, rhyming name.  Someone didn’t really think this one through.

These are some of the weird toys that I have come across lately.  I’m sure that with Christmas right around the corner, there will be plenty more to choose from.

What am I missing?  What toys have you seen that are strangely named or just plain weird?

The horses typically come last, for obvious reasons, but this time someone decided it would be a good idea to have them lead things off this year.  If the reason for having them go last isn’t obvious to you…it’s so the rest of the people in the parade don’t have to worry about getting equine excrement on their shoes.   Now on to some fantastic photos…

(Click On Photos For Larger Image)

I’m not quite sure what a Schweich is, but for some reason my son Jadon really likes it.  I think Schweich is a politician of some sort because there were several politicians passing out advertisements and stickers.  Why is it that politicians feel the need to pass out their stickers to kids.  If you you really want me to make the effort to get out and vote for you, it is going to take a whole lot more than just a lame sticker.  For what it’s worth though, if that sticker is durable enough to last fourteen years or so, I’m sure you’ll have his vote.

I realize that the cymbals are necessary for a band, but how horrible would it be to be the guy in front of the cymbal guy?  Stick the cymbal smasher behind someone who is even the least bit jumpy and it could be disastrous…or really entertaining.

I especially liked this year’s parade because I became a millionaire.  Or at least I thought I became a millionaire. ?  I was up to four million dollars before I realized that I had something on my hands that was worth so much more than a lousy million dollars.  I had the key to salvation.  How could I have gone nearly thirty years without realizing how much Harry Truman cared about my soul?  When it comes down to it, would you rather have four million lousy dollars (and hundreds more bills ready to be picked up off the street) or have your soul be saved many times over?  Choose wisely my friend…choose wisely.

This was the float from one of the churches in Carthage.  You’ve gotta love it when churches and patriotism collide.  March on, ye soldiers who may possibly be Christians.

This is one sweet boom box…although I’m not sure it’s one I’d want to carry on my shoulder.

I’m sure the intentions are good, but does this not seem just a tad creepy?  Something about bright red wings coming out of a skull and calling yourselves “Keepers Of the Children” just seems a little strange.  It’s a bit disconcerting that they fail to clarify just which children they are keeping and how they came to be in possession of said children.  Again, they may be good, well-intentioned people that are truly caring for children, but maybe they should rethink their name and logo.

I just had to include this picture because it’s always one of my favorite parts of the parade.  It’s a car that rides down the street doing a wheelie…of course it’s awesome.

Now this is a horse I would be willing to ride.  I’ve always said that if my feet don’t touch the ground while I am sitting on the horse, the horse is too tall.  Actually, I think I said that for the first time when I saw these horses at the parade.  So I guess I’ve only been saying it for a couple weeks.  But if I was a two week old child, I could legitimately say that I’ve always said that.  But I’m not.  So I can’t.  These horses are awesome.

If you are ever in southwest Missouri on the third Saturday in October, be sure to stop by Carthage and take in the Maple Leaf Parade.  Who knows, you may walk away with a million dollars, eternal life, or a sweet sticker from someone who wants your vote.  What more could a person want?

2.  Are the brown paper bags really fooling anybody anymore?  I think at this point, if you see someone walking down the street drinking from a small paper sack, it’s fairly obvious what’s in the bag.  In fact, it would probably be more inconspicuous to carry it without the sack.

3.  How do the up and down elevators never run into each other in the elevator shaft?  You would think that at some point, someone on a bottom floor would push the button for the up elevator at the same time someone on a top floor would push the button for the down elevator.  Either all the elevator riders have gotten very lucky or the elevator is a marvelous machine.  An up elevator and a down elevator in the same shaft with no recorded collisions?  Incredible.

4.  Why is it that some people seem to go out of their way to run over objects in the road that have obviously been accidentally dropped by someone else?  Just the other day I saw several pieces of tupperware in the road that someone had dropped.  Most of the people went around or straddled it with their car.  Most, not all.  There were a couple of cars who decided that it would be a good idea to flatten it.  Is it bad that when I see someone about to intentionally run over something, I start hoping that what they are about to run over is really just cleverly designed spike strips designed to catch those heartless fools?

I’m sure that at some point, nearly everyone has asked why bad things happen to good people.  Maybe that’s the wrong question.  Instead of wondering why so many people are suffering at a given time, perhaps we should look at all the negative situations as a positive thing.

As weird as this equation seems: Negative + Negative + Negative + Negative + Negative = Positive… maybe it’s exactly right.  It may seem strange by our own standards, but in God’s economy it makes perfect sense.  The last shall be first; if you want to be great, you must be a servant; you have to die to live…hurt, pain, and suffering brings hope, healing, and growth.  Instead of getting depressed when we see and hear of all the people who are hurting, we should focus on the good that can come from it.

Maybe the reason that we see so many people around us suffering at the same time is so that they don’t have to go through it alone.  When a person suffers alone, it is overwhelming, discouraging, and can make them want to give up; when several people suffer together, there is amazing potential for healing and hope.  I suppose that’s why community is so important.  When you do life with other people and know that you are going to be there for each other in times of need, it makes going through hurt and pain more bearable.  Not easy, but bearable.

So please, if you are hurting and you know someone else that is hurting, don’t go through it alone.  Even if what each of you are going through is different, there is comfort in knowing that you are not alone in what you are feeling.  The circumstances may be different, but the emotions are the same.  Reach out to them and let them know that they are not alone.  Be sad together.  Be hurt together.  Be angry together.  Be broken together.  Most importantly…be together.

On the album “Hope Rising” by Fee, there are two songs that especially relevant for someone going through a tough situation – the first is called “Everything Falls” and the second is “Arms That Hold The Universe”.  I’ve been listening to this album a lot lately and felt like these two songs would be good to share with my friends and family who are hurting right now.

As frustrating as trying to free the towel is, the biggest challenge for me is to try to get the towel off without leaving little soggy fingerprints all over the roll.  If the fingerprints stayed only on the top towel it wouldn’t be so bad, but they inevitably soak through and contaminate at least 3.2 paper towels.  Then I feel obligated to rip off all the towels with the soggyprints so that the person using the roll after me doesn’t get grossed out or think I’m some kind of a weird, super soggy handed individual.  The problem with taking all the soggyprinted towels is that by the time I finally get them off the roll, I don’t really need them anymore because the water that didn’t drip off my hands onto the roll has already finished air drying.

So basically, every time I use a horizontal roll of paper towels, I just waste 2-4 paper towels per visit.  Although, when you add in the times that I try to do the quick, one-handed towel rip that inevitably ends up just spinning the roll round and round until I manage to get it stopped.  Rather than try to roll it back up and attempt to make it look normal, I normally just rip them all off, wad them up into a little basketball, and try to make a basket with it.  Or throw a touchdown pass to the trash can.  Or throw a guy out at home plate.  It really just depends on what season it is.  That’s completely normal, right?  Oh, it’s not?  Yeah, I was just kidding then.

Speaking of the random soggy fingerprints…is there a name for those?  If not, what should it be?  I think someone should come up with a name for them because “random soggy fingerprints” just seems way too long and cumbersome.  Come up with a name for them and I will send you a paper towel custom made with some of my random soggy fingerprints.  If that’s not enough to get you motivated…then you’re probably fairly normal.

Most of the codes were normal…Code Red is what they announce in case of a fire…stuff like that.  Then I came across one that I had never seen before.  This particular nursing home apparently feels the need to announce “Code Yellow” in the event of…NUCLEAR ATTACK!

Maybe it’s just me, but does that not seem like the most useless code ever?  Especially considering where it was posted.  No offense to the octogenarians out there, but I’m pretty sure that if there is ever a nuclear attack, someone yelling “Code Yellow” over the P.A. system is not going to make them move any quicker or survive any longer.

The other problem I see with this is the color of the code.  It seems to be that if there is ever a nuclear attack, the more appropriate code would be Code Brown (for obvious reasons)…or perhaps, “Code Oh Sh** It’s A Nuclear Attack!”

What really amazes me is that they actually have a code for a nuclear attack at a nursing home.  Is this something they practice and prepare for often?  What is standard procedure for protecting oneself during a nuclear attack?  Do they issue each resident a gas mask and some sort of body armor?  Or do they just tell them to hunker down and hope for the best?  I’m guessing it’s not stop, drop, and roll – although that could make for quite the entertaining final few minutes.

Seriously though, is there a more useless code than a code for nuclear attack?  And at that point, do you really need to announce that you have been attacked nuclearly in code form?  For that matter, why do people feel the need to announce most things in code?  Fires, floods, spills, lost kids…are these things that really need to be kept secret?  How cool would it be to have all the codes memorized at every place you go, just so that when you hear a code announced over the P.A. system, you could just shout out what that code means so that everyone can know what’s going on?

What other weird codes have you heard?  Are there any situations that you think could benefit from being coded that don’t already have a code?